1.Intend to give attention with respect and patience.Everyone deserves both. 2.Give dedicated (you don't interrupt) and “concentrated” attention which is attention not diluted by your own thoughts, ideas, memories, etc.If you find yourself thinking anything you are not giving dedicated or concentrated attention.
3.Ready eye contact is critical.Do not look away when the attention-receiver looks you in the eye; if the receiver looks away from you, maintain your gaze in the region of the eyes.Always be ready for direct eye contact.
4. Intermittently, intend to consciously see them see you seeing them. (Yes, it sounds strange.) This is DYNAMIC ATTENTION as practiced by the attention-giver. It does take practice.
.The one question you can ask:“What are you thinking?”
SOME BASIC ATTENTION-USING SKILLS
What will you focus your attention on? NOT your personal problems. Instead, focus your attention on the ideas, concepts, processes, information, or activities, books, movies, etc., that are seizing your attention at the moment you exchange attention. TIPS....
1. THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILL YOU CAN PRACTICE? SENSE OR FEEL THE ATTENTION EVEN IF THIS MAKES YOU FEEL SELF-CONSCIOUS AND NERVOUS. Look each attention-giver in the eye, slowly, as you consciously make the effort to see them seeing you.
2. SAY YOUR FIRST THOUGHTS ONCE YOU FEEL THE ATTENTION. Like those who meditate, you will with practice learn to capture and contemplate even the most fleeting thoughts. You will discover, in time, that your mind is amazing in its ability to gather and process information, evaluate it, integrate it with your feelings and emotions, connect the feelings precisely with each of the associated thoughts/memories and the thoughts with each of the associated emotions/memories, and that you will, in a sense, "feel" or be totally aware of all of this happening as it happens.
3. LET WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPEN If you feel like laughing, laugh all you want. If you feel like crying, cry. You will be astonished to discover that some of the things you think about which are totally "intellectual," for example topics and issues in science and math, nevertheless trigger a great deal of emotion.